Men - we are so simple! How can that be misunderstood
A friend called this afternoon as she had man problems and wanted to talk to a guy about it (while I'm probably not the best target given the week past, am always happy to listen to a friend).
Anyways, again I am absolutely astounded by the fact that women just do not understand the simplicity of guys!!! She read so far into his actions, that she thought he was keen - and has just been let down with him going out with someone she knows well.
So I bring you - Men: A really simple guideline to not misreading things!
Firstly understand the process. A guy will tend not to move straight into "I'm keen" frame of mind. Guys tend to follow a fairly simple process. They start by making friends. Wouldn't date a girl I don't know well... is that simple. Anyways, having spent some time with a girl - its here that they actually get keen. I dunno about other guys - but its here where thoughts of "gee, I really enjoyed spending time with her" just randomly appear- and don't disapear real quick :). so you continue to be friends... but perhaps step up the number of times that you run into them if possible. At this point, you also tend to be rolling things around in your head quite a bit, and you tend to be praying quite hard about things. As you develop to become really good friends - you get to crunch time. You most of the time have no clue what the girl is really thinking - and so after many painful hours of rolling it aorund in your head - you go and ask her best friend whether she is keen (this is also because fear of rejection is huge!). if that check point comes away positively - you ask X out.
Its a process which is entirely different to that which girls seem to have... I don't understand how girls work - so i'll stop here. But seriously - if you are trying to work out whether a guy is keen, look for the really obvious signs (the one that Cleo tends to ignore)
1. The best thing to test whether he is keen is to simply look at how much time he spends with you. Frankly, if a guy is keen, he will make copious amounts of time available in which you and he happen to be in the same location. Very simple first test!
*Note: If you are going to be methodical about this work out intentional time and circumstancial time. Circumstancial being that he turns up to the same lecture as you, or turns up to hang with you and a group of friends, or that you happen to have the same hour off at uni. Intentional is when you see them at times which are odd for thir timetable. For example, they turn up to uni early on Wednesdays to catch up with you in a particular free, they go out of their way to make sure that they end at the same time as you - as to be able to get the bus or train home - or simply to walk to the station with you. If you start seeing a trend of intentional time - then its pretty likely that they are at least in the process of thinking about things.
2. Do't over read body language and the like. Body language is a great indicator, but remember that its only an expression of how they are feeling at that point. Understand though - that that you are looking - not for good body signals... some guys are pretty good at using body language to simply express interest in the person in regular conversation. You are looking for body language which is beyond the ordinary. there is a difference.
I've written enough. time to do some work :) - hope that makes sense Kat.
Anyways, again I am absolutely astounded by the fact that women just do not understand the simplicity of guys!!! She read so far into his actions, that she thought he was keen - and has just been let down with him going out with someone she knows well.
So I bring you - Men: A really simple guideline to not misreading things!
Firstly understand the process. A guy will tend not to move straight into "I'm keen" frame of mind. Guys tend to follow a fairly simple process. They start by making friends. Wouldn't date a girl I don't know well... is that simple. Anyways, having spent some time with a girl - its here that they actually get keen. I dunno about other guys - but its here where thoughts of "gee, I really enjoyed spending time with her" just randomly appear- and don't disapear real quick :). so you continue to be friends... but perhaps step up the number of times that you run into them if possible. At this point, you also tend to be rolling things around in your head quite a bit, and you tend to be praying quite hard about things. As you develop to become really good friends - you get to crunch time. You most of the time have no clue what the girl is really thinking - and so after many painful hours of rolling it aorund in your head - you go and ask her best friend whether she is keen (this is also because fear of rejection is huge!). if that check point comes away positively - you ask X out.
Its a process which is entirely different to that which girls seem to have... I don't understand how girls work - so i'll stop here. But seriously - if you are trying to work out whether a guy is keen, look for the really obvious signs (the one that Cleo tends to ignore)
1. The best thing to test whether he is keen is to simply look at how much time he spends with you. Frankly, if a guy is keen, he will make copious amounts of time available in which you and he happen to be in the same location. Very simple first test!
*Note: If you are going to be methodical about this work out intentional time and circumstancial time. Circumstancial being that he turns up to the same lecture as you, or turns up to hang with you and a group of friends, or that you happen to have the same hour off at uni. Intentional is when you see them at times which are odd for thir timetable. For example, they turn up to uni early on Wednesdays to catch up with you in a particular free, they go out of their way to make sure that they end at the same time as you - as to be able to get the bus or train home - or simply to walk to the station with you. If you start seeing a trend of intentional time - then its pretty likely that they are at least in the process of thinking about things.
2. Do't over read body language and the like. Body language is a great indicator, but remember that its only an expression of how they are feeling at that point. Understand though - that that you are looking - not for good body signals... some guys are pretty good at using body language to simply express interest in the person in regular conversation. You are looking for body language which is beyond the ordinary. there is a difference.
I've written enough. time to do some work :) - hope that makes sense Kat.
posted by Mick at 12:43 PM
6 Comments:
I second all of that. The process is spot on... scarily so!
The only point of issue I have is about intentional and circumstantial time. I would amend that part with saying that many (well at least one) guys intentionally make sure they spend more circumstantial time with that girl. Carpe dium kind of stuff, you know.
Brilliant exposé Mick!
yeah I know what you mean. intentional time is often very well disguised as circumstancial time. if you think about it though - intentional time is fairly obvious to pick out - if you know their timetable. Otherwise its really all going to just look circumstancial.
glad I get another guys approval of my analysis.
You guys suck! I have been used time and time again by guys who just like spending time with me but aren't interested cos' there's no chemistry. Okay? So your circumstantial and intentional is crap. Guys just like to play girls- or at least the crap guys that I have had dealings with in the past. Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them. I've had it with your sex! Mr. Sonia died a long time ago with any part of my heart that I might have wanted to give away.
Hey, I'm not going to debate whether guys deserve to have rocks thrown at them. Frankly those guys whom you are talking about suck... and I do sympathise... I too understand about being overlooked at times. So if what I have said has offended you - I am sorry.
However perhaps I need to qualify intentional and circumstancial a bit more. to possibly explain this a bit better.
What you have mentioned is guys who are spending a lot of time with you CIRCUMSTANCIALLY. you and them are in the same place, because you are.
However you mentioned also about them intentionally spending time with you, but that they again made it clear that they have no intentions of moving things further. In this situation - they have MADE THEIR INTENTIONS CLEAR.
At this point the entire context of the time spent is different. So I tihnk it holds.
Likewise - don't give up on mr Sonia. He's out there... and he will carry loads of chocolate and will be happy to be hit with a few rocks...
I'm with amaranth... throw rocks at them. But yeah - it sorta makes sense I guess.
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